The Feud
by mei-san
Summary: “Bring it on Malfoy,” She walked out of the door, pausing for effect. Her eyes flashed. “You’re going to wish you had never been born.” "“Fine!” he spat back. “You want a fight you’ve got it."
1. Default Chapter

Hermione nibbled at her lips as she studied the parchment before her. It was the most complex potion, besides the Polyjuice, that she had ever attempted to make before, and the fact that she was making it 'illegally' in Snape's dungeon compounded the difficulty. "How can I add the Unicorn hair, the Dragonsblood and the stoat all at the same time? I haven't three hands!" She blew upwards in frustration causing her bushy hair to shift slightly over her amber eyes.  
  
She had balanced the stoat on the edge of the cauldron and held both the Unicorn hair and the beaker of Dragonsblood in her hands, the heel of her palm resting on the back of the stoat. She pulled her bottom lip through her teeth and abruptly released it with another gust of breath. "Okay," she murmured to herself, "here it goes. One, two." She heard the patter of footsteps, that of two people if she wasn't mistaken, and it sounded rather like they were headed for the potions room. She froze.  
  
The footsteps grew closer and she heard a pair of voices speaking in cacophony. "But Professor Snape! You know who my father is." The first voice was definitely masculine and petulant. "Draco, do you think I care who your father is? You messed up big this time. Detention is definitely in order." Draco interjected, "but it's not fair Professor." "Life isn't particularly fair now is it? 20 points from Slytherin for being argumentative. You can consider this conversation over." The heavier set of footsteps continued and Hermione unfroze at the imminent danger.  
  
"Shit," she swore, retracting her ingredients from where they were poised over the pewter cauldron. She hurriedly grabbed up her ingredients and stuffed them into the desk that her experiment was on. She picked up the glass bottle that she was using to store the experiment in and a funnel. She picked up the cauldron, prepared to tip in all of the bubbling liquid. "Damn!" she swore again loudly, the hot pewter had burnt her fingers through the dragons hide gloves that she wore. She heard the creaking of a rusty key in the potions room door and grew desperate.  
  
She quickly juggled the bottle, the funnel and the cauldron and shut the fire on her burner. She ducked her body under the desk, breathing hard. The hinges on the door grated awfully, flakes of oxidized metal falling on the floor. She quickly inhaled and began to hold her breath.  
  
Professor Snape swept in slowly, first his beaky nose becoming visible, then his sallow face and last his dark cape that settled around his legs in swirls. The bane of her existence puffed in after him, his cheeks pink with exertion.  
  
I guess mocking people and doing Pansy aren't exerting enough for him, she thought. That mottled pink shade doesn't do much for him. "Professor Snape, it was a total accident! I never meant to demean you in any way!" "The fact remains that you did demean me,"  
  
Snape's voice resonated in the small space, sending tremors down her spine. "I'm sure that I can devise a fit punishment for you. In the meantime, next time you need to make yourself look good to Ms. Parkinson, try bragging about Daddy's mansion as usual. Insulting teachers does not become you."  
  
Draco hung his head and glanced at the floor. Good! He looks embarrassed. It's about time Snape needled that prat. He's been obnoxious for years! Draco's face suddenly twitched. What had he spotted??? She panicked. He began to walk over to the desk where she was situated. She pulled the uniform black robe over her head. Perhaps he hadn't seen her after all? He stopped right in front of 'her' desk. "I'm sorry Professor," his voice was remorseful, his actions were not, as he kicked a leg backwards and into Hermione.  
  
"Come out, come out, wherever you are Granger," he drawled mockingly. "Excuse me Mr. Malfoy?" Snape quirked an eyebrow at him. "Did you say something?" Hermione fervently whispered prayers under her breath. "Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, our kingdom." "Yes, I believe if you look under the desk behind me." ".come, thy will be done." "You will find Ms. Granger clutching a cauldron."  
  
Shit. She closed her eyes and banged her forehead lightly against the cauldron she held in her lap. "Ms. Granger?" Snape imperiously inquired. "Would you mind crawling out of that space? You rather resemble a larvae curled up like that." She slid to her knees and stepped out of the crawl space, stretching her legs out.  
  
"If you wouldn't mind removing your robe from your face? I don't particularly want to see your face, however, I would like to see your face as you attempt to lie yourself out of this situation. Should be rather amusing, indeed."  
  
She placed her cauldron down on the desk with a thud and slid trembling hands back over her robe, pushing it back down to her shoulders. She bit her bottom lip and looked over at Malfoy. He smirked at her. She had never felt as much animosity towards a facial expression from a single individual. "Yes?" Snape nodded towards her. "I'm waiting to see what fiction you manage to mastermind." "Well, see, uh, I was um, trying to um, clean up the materials I had left out during class?" She stumbled over words. Tears of mortification stung her eyes. For HER to be caught at something like this. Her reputation was going to suffer irrevocable damage! The blot would go on her permanent record! She would never get into a good wizarding college! She would never get to be Minister-Of-Magic now! My life is over!!!  
  
"Is that the best you can do Ms. Granger? I must say, I am disappointed with your lying talents. I would have thought that my best and brightest (at this Draco raised his eyebrow) student could have come up with a better excuse." His oily countenance and the fact that it was he that held her future in his hands caused tears to prick at the back of her eyelids. No! I can't cry now. Not in front of Malfoy. No. To her shame tears began to run down her nose.  
  
"P-professor Snape. I-I-I've never done anything like this before. I apologize. If you could just not mention this to anyone I would do anything, absolutely anything. I am so incredibly sorry. Nothing like this will ever happen again," she choked out, raising the back of her hand to her face, tears mixing with the ink that had smudged stubbornly on her cheek earlier in the day.  
  
"Ms. Granger, if you think that I'm going to let you go just because you are in running for Head Girl, you have another thing coming." Hermione gasped at this piece of information. She didn't know that she was in the running for Head Girl. "Yes, yes Ms. Granger. Don't act so surprised. Feigned modesty does not become you." She flushed red at this.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy! Where exactly do you think you're going?" They both turned their heads towards the boy that was slinking steadily towards the door. "Do you think that I am going to excuse you just because you discovered a hide-a-way for me?" Malfoy opened his mouth to protest. Snape quickly walked over to him and shut his jaw with a snap.  
  
"Nuh-nuh-nuh.shhh! Don't speak, Mr. Malfoy. You and Ms. Granger will be cleaning this dungeon from now until lights out.with these toothbrushes." He produced two scummy looking toothbrushes from a fold in his robes. "I believe that these belong to Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle. Return them to them when you're done. They shan't notice the difference."  
  
With that Snape tossed the toothbrushes on a desk, swirled and walked towards the door, robes billowing. Suddenly he spun on his heels. "Well? Why aren't you started yet? Oh by the way- Mr. Malfoy you have 3 weeks detention as do you Ms. Granger. I will speak to Professor McGonnagall about arranging both of your punishments. Don't stand there gawping! Get to work!" He spun again and thundered towards the door, opening it and slamming it shut in one motion.  
  
Hermione waited for two beats before tearing into Draco. "God Malfoy! What is your problem? I was perfectly fine under that desk. I wasn't going to get caught. Jeez- It's not like I've done anything to you recently. Well? What justification could you possibly have for getting me in trouble?"  
  
A smirk came over Draco's face. "You're a mudblood. That's enough justification for me to do anything I want with you. Besides, if I was getting in it for 3 weeks of detention, I might as well drag you down with me."  
  
Hermione flushed in anger. "My blood is as purer than that filth that runs around in your veins! At least I wouldn't have ratted you out if it had been you under that desk. Us 'mudbloods' at least have some concept of honor. Even if I am a mudblood, that's still no justification for getting me in trouble and getting me three weeks of detention. This will go on my permanent record you know!"  
  
"Your permanent record. Ah yes, the perfection that is your grades. Well, that's too bad. I suppose they are marred forever. I have honor. I have plenty of honor. Malfoys abide by a code of honor. If you would be too stupid to rat me out when I was a sitting duck under that desk, well then, I suppose you aren't as intelligent as you like to make out.  
  
It's not my fault that you were sitting huddled under that desk. If you could have hidden that brown bush under your robe, I wouldn't have known you were there anyway. So if you want to blame anyone for getting you in trouble, blame your ugly hedge of hair." He turned around and sauntered towards the desk with the toothbrushes and picked up the least dirty of them.  
  
"It's impossible to reason with one whos intelligence is as lacking as yours happens to be. Just shut up and let's try to make this tolerable for both of us okay?" Without waiting for an answer she too walked over to the desk holding the remaining toothbrush. "Ewwww," she grumbled, disgusted with the toothbrush that appeared to be soaked in grime with mold growing on the handle.  
  
She crouched and began to scrub the dank floor of the cauldron when she felt eyes on her back. "Malfoy, if you could refrain from checking out my ass. it would be much appreciated."  
  
"Why would I check your ass out? I'm just wondering how something as ugly as you could have been created. Your mother must put a paper bag on your head before kissing you goodnight. Are your teeth doing better by the way?" His sardonic voice grated on her nerves as did the reminder of her former teeth.  
  
"Whatever Malfoy." She resumed scrubbing. She scrubbed until her arms ached and her thighs burned. God, this is a better work out that Buns of Steel! I wonder if they make wizard exercise tapes? She turned around to see how Malfoy was progressing on his half of the room. He was sitting in a chair with his feet up on a desk sleeping.  
  
Fury overcame her as she had been working hard for over an hour and a half while the lazy prat had slept away. She walked over to Draco, wrenched his mouth open and shoved Crabbe/Goyle's toothbrush into it, jamming it to the back of his mouth. He awoke sputtering and gasping for breath. He blinked once and spat out the toothbrush, once the full force of the taste hit him.  
  
"Uck! That's vile. Why would you DO that to me? That's just plain cruel." He began to spit the taste out of his mouth, specks of his saliva landing on the desk. Hermione backed off, not wanting to be part of his impromptu showering. He finished spitting and jumped up to face her, hands crossed over his chest.  
  
"You're nothing but a good for-nothing waste of oxygen that I have the misfortune to go to school with. Your blood contaminates the school and all of wizard kind. You're Harry Potter's wench, a pitiful position that somehow makes you feel gratified. Your hair takes up miles and miles of space that could otherwise be used for better things, like growing Flobberworms. If you actually bothered to brush your hair, you would likely find larvae and insects and perhaps small rodents nested in it. Your teeth.I won't even go there."  
  
"Malfoy I hate you, you prick! You are a pureblooded snob and a half with a major stick up his ass. Wait, oh sorry, was that Crabbe's hand? Your only friends are your henchmen and those that want to get close to you for daddy's money. The only reason that you ever made the Quidditch team is that daddy bought your house brooms. You buy your way into everything. If I saw you actually receive an honor that you hadn't bought, I'd die from shock.  
  
You are nothing, absolutely nothing without your money. You are better looking as a ferret than as a human! You talk about my hair? Well let's take a look at yours. You're not exactly going to be put onto People's 50 Most Beautiful People of the Year list."(He looked confused at this) "It's so shellacked with varnish or that substance you call gel that you would have to scrape it off with a spatula did you ever want to see the real surface. Although I can't think of any reason you would. You are a waste of any and all resources that have ever been spent on you." She stalked towards the door.  
  
"Granger!" She turned. "This is far from finished you bucktoothed beaver."  
  
"Fine!" she spat out. "If a feud is what you want, that's what you're going to get! We'll see who wins Malfoy. But I just know that it's going to be me. Your puny brain can't think up anymore insults. After all, you've been using the same one for me for 6 years. God, poor poor Malfoy. Can't think up anything more original that 'mudblood'. Well I have news for you. Hermione Granger is pissed. And I'm going to bring out the big guns."  
  
"Fine!" he spat back. "You want a fight you've got it. You can go screw off. Wait- who would screw you? I can't think of anyone, not even that mangy haired follower, Weasel."  
  
"Bring it on Malfoy," She walked out of the door, pausing for effect. "You're going to wish you had never been born." 


	2. Let the games begin

After the mudblood stormed out, I immediately conjured water and rinsed my mouth. Good grief- what was in Crabbe's mouth? He tasted. wait, do I really want to be thinking about what Crabbe tastes like? That filthy mudblood. How DARE she speak to a Malfoy like that? The likes of her speaking to the likes of me in that utterly. haughty manner. It wasn't so much that she was a mudblood- I don't even really care about class differences in the wizarding world. In actuality, that's all Lucius.  
  
But she is so infuriating! I hate her know-it-all attitude. I hate the way that she looks down upon any Slytherins- it's not as though she could get a disease from touching us. She's more likely to catch one from those Weasleys that she associates herself with them. I shudder at the thought of visiting the most probably dirt and insect infested hellhole that they must call home.  
  
I have to get revenge on her. How dare she make those remarks towards me? Calling me a waste of the advantages that have been showered upon me from birth! Is it my fault if I was born with a silver spoon up my ass? Is that how the muggle expression goes? I am totally worth every cent that Lucius has ever spent on me. Just look at me!  
  
He glanced into the metal of the cauldron that Granger had been using to boil her potion. Yup! That's me alright. Gorgeous as usual. My hair shone back at me (hmm do I need to start using MORE gel?), my sculpted face looked perfect- if I do say so myself (the waif look is so in for guys this year). My shoulders had widened though- a byproduct of that horrid time called puberty. I hated them myself- I just happen to believe that the male form looks better slender and lithe. However, I had noticed that the girls seemed to enjoy resting their heads on them; so shrinking spells weren't necessary just yet. Speaking of shrinking spells, I was still wondering who had shrunk Granger's teeth after I had enlarged them to their 'spiritual' size. The memory still made me chuckle sometimes.  
  
"Say," he asked aloud. "I wonder what Granger was doing down in the dungeons. She obviously wasn't making an extra credit potion; Snape may even have let her off in that case. "Hmm," he murmured, venturing closer to the cauldron. He peered into the cauldron and was surprised to see it let off steam as he touched the rim of the vessel. It was light pink in color and smelt rather like."patchouli!" he exclaimed in surprise at his favorite scent.  
  
Draco like patchouli oil, the way it smelt, the way it felt. It was one of the constants that he ensured that he had on his person. Perhaps Granger was making a patchouli potion so that she could smell him all the time? No- not even he was stupid to believe that. He mused over the patchouli potion for a while, a thoughtful finger tapping at his temple. Perhaps she wanted to emulate the perfection that was Draco Malfoy? He let out a brief snort at this- Granger had all but accused him of being the spawn of Satan in their last conversation.  
  
He laughed in rue. He WAS the spawn of Satan. Where could you find a more eloquent name for all that Lucius Malfoy was? Narcissa was a saint for putting up with him for all of these years- his brutal beatings, arcane fetishes and 'indiscretions' that in truth were anything but discreet. He could remember his fathers mistresses being paraded in his house since his fourth birthday party when one of his little friends had inquired if his mother was the woman wearing the fishnets and teddy, lasciviously flirting with his father. Narcissa truly was a great woman, and the fact that she had sacrificed all pretenses of a 'nice' home life for him spoke volumes in his mind. His mother loved him more in one day than his father would ever in a life time.  
  
That was another reason that he hated the Granger chit so much. Her grades were top notch. She always beat him in every subject, whether it be Arithmancy or even Potions. At the end of every marking period, he would dutifully go to his fathers study and hold out a copy of his school report. His father would ask his time-honored question- "Did you get top marks in any classes?" He would stammer around the subject, attempting to point out his 112% in Herbology or History of Magic, however his father would cut him off with a sharp glare.  
  
"Do you mean to say that the mudblood bested a son of mine again?" he would ask, his inquiry silky, his delivery and inflection the same as they had been every semester that he had studied at Hogwarts. Draco would nod regretfully and stiffen his lips and clench his face in anticipation of the blow that would fall on his neck, in the same spot. "Why is it that my son, a pureblooded wizard has marks that cannot beat those of a mudblood witch?" The rhetoric was always unanswerable, but Draco would often try, stumbling through explanations of how she was a know-it-all and that she kissed McGonnagall's butt every chance that she got.  
  
Yes, the bitter beatings that followed were another reason for him to dislike the mudblood with every fiber of his being. Draco Malfoy would have revenge upon her for her insouciant remarks, her know-it-all ways, her scornful attitude and for the bruises and scars that she indirectly put on his body and on his soul. He just had to think of how. He chewed his lip thoughtfully, ignoring the footsteps that echoed in the corridor, approaching the door.  
  
The door was suddenly wrenched open and Snape swept in. "Not finished yet I see Draco." Snape shook his head in regret, leaning over to inspect the floor. "This side of the room appears to be clean, however this side," he gestured expansively to the side where Draco had been resting in blessed oblivion, "appears almost entirely untouched. Now whose side could this one be and whose could this be?" Snape pretended to ponder the question, furrowing his brow for effect.  
  
"Sir, the clean side is my side. I just finished it. The mudblood left soon after you did. She appeared to be mumbling something about how disgraceful the authority was in this school and how they always caught the wrong culprits. I did the best that I could, however my knees are raw from work." For maximum credibility, Draco unsnapped his robe and pulled up one of his jeans legs, showcasing a knee with a mottled tinge and that looked floor burned and chapped. What Snape didn't know protected Draco in this instance. The abrasion on his kneecaps had come from yesterday's Quidditch practice, those Wronski Feint drags were hard to master and he had spent the better part of the afternoon with his legs dragging behind him on the ground.  
  
"I see," Snape mused over this professed event that he appeared to be on the verge of believing. "Well, I shall be speaking to Ms. Granger and Professor McGonnagall. It is not right for students to abuse my trust so freely. Imagine the nerve of that girl, walking off after I had explicitly punished her." Snape murmured other vaguely insulting things under his breath about Granger. The phrases, "know-it-all, thinks she's smarter than me, obnoxious chit and disturbing lack of respect" could be heard loud and clear.  
  
"Professor?" Draco stood in front of Snape at attention. "Hmm? Yes what is it Draco?" the professor looked vaguely confused as his train of though was broken. "May I go sir?" Draco politely enquired- it couldn't hurt to be on Snape's good side. "Go.go," Snape waved his hand at the door. Draco left to the sounds of, "how dare that bloody chit."  
  
Yes, Draco wanted revenge on that girl, and he wanted it badly. He could almost taste how good it would feel to get her in front of the whole school. The bit about accusing her of not finishing her cleaning to Snape had been a start, but more drastic measures needed to be taken. There was only one foolproof method of jumpstarting Draco's brain. He slunk down the hall to Pansy's room, smirking inwardly about the sound 'stimulant' he was about to receive. The anticipation of the next few hours was great, but he was still pondering the potion that Granger had been making in the Potions room. He knocked on her door, was promptly pulled in and ceased to think at all.  
  
Hermiones Point of View:  
  
After Hermione had threatened Malfoy, she walked down the corridor feeling lighter, as though a great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She thought back to their conversation, savoring the highlights. She had gotten some good jabs into their argument- in a battle of wits there was no question about which of the two of them would win. However, Malfoy had always been good at pranking people, and public humiliation was his middle name. She had been testament to this, Ron and Harry and been put in some Shame Hall of Fame worthy moments due to Malfoy's plotting.  
  
She hadn't really thought about that aspect of their battle- no, their feud. It couldn't really be classified as much else. Feuds are so romantic- she flashed back to the summer when she had seen Romeo and Juliet performed at Covent Garden. Hold on! Had she thought the words 'Malfoy' and 'romantic' in the same strain of thought? She shook her head quickly, as though attempting to erase the brainfart. She debated rinsing her head in disinfectant to clear it of the errant thought.  
  
"Hey Hermione!" a male voice cut into my inner debate. I looked up and smiled at Justin Finch-Fletchley. He was a friend of mine, although not a particularly close one. He was a Hufflepuff, a mud-muggleborn the same as I was. Where had the first half of that awful word come from? Probably from being around Malfoy too long. Too much time in the presence of a 'Satanette' could probably corrode my mind.  
  
"Hey Justin," I replied. I liked Justin for a bit during third year. I don't know why he suddenly seemed interested in me- it's not like I looked all of that different from then. As Malfoy never was hesitant to point out, I had masses and masses of bushy curls.  
  
"How's it going Hermione? You look sort of upset." As always, Justin was very perceptive. I had the suspicion that he was a seer. He always had seemed directly affected by other people's emotions and I knew for sure that he had made a few correct predictions. Justin's brown eyes also seemed mysterious somehow- like he could see things that other people couldn't- like he could see beyond the realm of the profane world and into the sacred. I studied his features. He was actually very cute.  
  
"I'm better now that I've seen you," I attempted to flirt with him. I've been trying it out this year and so far it seems well received. "I've just had an argument with Malfoy and he won me three weeks detention from Snape. We sort of have a feud going on now. I'm just trying to think up evil things that I could do to him." I chewed my lip thoughtfully.  
  
"Oh wow, that really sucks. Are you okay?" His eyes flashed concern at me that felt so good. "He can be such the complete obnoxious prat sometimes. Especially about us being muggleborns. But he's never had it as bad for me as he has it for you. I think you should put something in his gel or bond Millicent Bulstrode's hand to his fly or something like that!" He smiled at me, his perfect teeth exposed between soft, full, oh so kissable lips. God, I swear I don't know what's wrong with me this week. I keep thinking that guys I've known forever are.well, there's only one way to put this. Jumpable.  
  
I guess I really haven't lost my background yet. The first thing my mum always told me to look for in a guy is pearly whites. The marks of a dentist family never leave you, I suppose. "Yeah. I'll be fine. I just really want to get that bastard back for everything that he's ever done to me. I like that idea about Millicent Bulstrode, although to be fair, the girl's never done anything to me that could warrant torturing her in that way. I would cement Pansy to him, but I think she would actually enjoy it. I actually have an idea that has to do with that portion of his anatomy." My eyes flashed in amusement and I grinned.  
  
"Yes? Are you going to let me in on your little secret?" Justin smirked wickedly at the thought of Malfoy suffering. God, that makes him look so. "Sexy," I murmured. "What was that Hermione? What's sexy?" Justin looked confused. "Sexy? Who said anything about sexy?" My neck flushed like it always does when I'm embarrassed and confused.  
  
"I was just saying 'sweet'. How sweet it's going to be when I get my revenge on that jerk. They say that revenge is a dish best served cold but I'm sure that this steaming dish of scandal will serve me just fine." I chuckled at the thought of the havoc I was going to wreak on Malfoy's life. "Say Justin, I have to get going. I have a bunch of homework to do."  
  
"Well, I'm going to be overjoyed to see him get whatever he does get tomorrow at breakfast. What do you say we have a little private celebration after Malfoy's public humiliation? I know a little grassy knoll." he trailed off looking nervously at me.  
  
"I bet you say that to all of the girls," I batted my eyes at him. Damn! This flirting thing is coming to me easier than I thought.  
  
"So what do you say? Private celebration?" Justin winked at me.  
  
"I'd love it. I have to go to the library. I'll see you." On impulse I leant forwards and hugged him. He hugged me back and I felt him release a breath of relief.  
  
I skipped off to the library, thoughts of Malfoy revenge dancing in my head. Boy oh boy would he like what I had in mind for him. That mottled pink shade he had worn earlier didn't really suit him, however I was looking forward to seeing him turn it very frequently in the next few weeks.  
  
Hey yall. Xie xie ni very much for the sweet reviews! I was totally expecting something worse than that, I was like afraid of posting or whatever. Anyhoo, my new BETA is mangomama or Serena so hey Serena! Uh whoops. As people nicely emailed me, I've forgotten a disclaimer. So, the people belong to JK Rowling, the twisted things they do belong to me! Thank you so much to people that said they liked my writing style. ILY all for forever and days! I'm out~ Mei-san 


	3. The Plot Thickens

I walked quickly around the corner, stopping suddenly as I was seized by terrible cramps. I lent against the wall to no avail. I felt as though I was being ripped apart and sewn together again. It couldn't be my period, I had finished just last week. Whatever could it be? I saw Justin walk around the corner towards me. "Justin!" I cried. "Please go to Madame Pomfrey and tell her that I think I'm going to pass out. Quickly, I feel awful." "Why do you think that I would help you?" He sneered at me. I quickly grew puzzled, was he schizoid? The boy had just practically asked me out and now he wanted me to die alone in a corridor? "Well, why wouldn't you help me?" I asked reasonably, my forehead breaking out in beads of sweat from the exertion. I could feel my face flush and I slumped down against the wall, clutching my stomach. Justin appeared upset by the question and with a short huff of frustration he walked on down the corridor. "Justin!" My voice rang out in the stillness of the hallway. "Seriously, tell me what I've done to make you so irritated." He turned back to me and quirked his eyebrows in annoyance. "Well, you HAVE tormented me for six years, incessantly calling me a mudblood, mocking my heritage and the house that I am in. I'd say that I have NO bloody reason at all for not wanting to help you..."I watched his lips move in horror. I could only think of one person that had tortured Justin in that manner, only one that I could possibly be embodying. "...Malfoy." My heart sank as I realized that my potion must have worked. Stupid, interfering, inquiring Malfoy. I cursed his family, his house and his personality in one quick murmur. "If that's all Malfoy, I think I'll be off and let you die here quietly in peace," Justin walked on. Thankfully the ripping pains had stopped, but my worst nightmare had come true. I was not only going to be feuding with the enemy, I WAS the enemy! Draco groaned and turned over. He had fallen asleep in the most damnably uncomfortable position he could think of, perpendicularly wedged into a door frame, his neck craning awkwardly against the wood. He brushed a long lock of hair out of his eyes. Hold up a second... he wasn't supposed to have brown hair, nor long hair. He blinked and tugged at the hair for a second, thinking that perhaps it could be attached to another, more feminine head. The sharp sensation on his head was an unpleasant shock. He had obviously been the victim of a very unfortunate prank. Who in all of Hogwarts would dare to turn his hair into such an abominable mess? A tangle of brownish frizz, that appeared to be feminine in style. The events of the last night came to him again. He had knocked on Pansy's dorm room and sat down to wait for her to answer it. He had figured that she was taking a long shower or something. He had then fallen asleep in his current position. Why hadn't that bitch opened the door? Stupid bint, he would be letting his father know about this rejection of the Malfoys. Draco, now Hermione ran towards the gargoyles where Dumbledore's study was situated. He knew the location well; he had oft enough sought refuge there when things got tough with his father. But he wasn't particularly thinking of refuge now, all he wanted was to blink and become Draco Malfoy again. It was his worst nightmare, magnified. He had to pee. What did bloody girls do when they had to pee ANYWAY? He was really hoping that Dumbledore could fix this mess; he would hate to be Granger for longer than necessary. He was kind of grossed out by the idea of inhabiting her unpopular, ugly, prissy, kiss-ass body for any length of time. One day was just fine with him. He had been sleeping for about 12 hours of it but that's a-okay. It still felt like long enough to him. He finished running in front of the statue and bent over huffing and puffing. My my, Hermione was in worse shape than she looked, not that she looked in shape to him. He could feel his face begin to flush and he felt decidedly unattractive. He sprawled against the wall trying to catch his breath. Who knew it was so exerting to run around on stubby legs? As soon as he caught his breath he went and stood in front of the gargoyle, spewing out wizard candy names. "Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, sugar quills, Drooble's Best Bubble Gum, Cauldron Cakes, Chocolate Frogs." The gargoyle shifted open to reveal a staircase at 'Chocolate Frogs'. He should have guessed. Dumbledore always had had a thing for chocolate, and if you could get a picture of yourself in a chocolate, why wouldn't you favor the chocolate? He scrambled hastily up the staircase, all but falling into Dumbledore's study. "Sir, sorry to interrupt," he panted, "but you absolutely HAVE to help me." He collapsed in a heap on the carpeted floor, rising a minute later to sit in one of the armchairs that always looked so inviting. "Miss Granger, this is a surprise!" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at the expression that appeared on Draco's face. "You must be joking! I thought that you knew everything that goes on around here? How can you even think that I am Hermione? I am obviously Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy. You will be hearing from my father- perhaps you are too old to be in a position of such power and responsibility?" Draco clamped his hands over his mouth when he realized what he had said aloud to his headmaster. "Sir, I'm terribly sorry. I meant none of that. I don't even know how it could have come out of my mouth. I really am terribly sorry." "It's quite all right Draco. Of course I knew who you were my boy. Just having a bit of fun. When one gets old," he paused, his twinkle growing brighter still, "one has to take it wherever one can get it. Yes, yes I am aware of you and Miss Granger's predicament. And you have to admit, you bear a STRIKING resemblance to Hermione. In fact, I am sure that Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley wouldn't even be able to discern between you and the old Hermione. You DO look exactly identical after all." "Yes, I know," Draco replied forlornly. "It's terrible isn't it? My reputation shall suffer forever. I will be known as the pureblood that wanted to be a Mudblood! My life is over!" Draco began to tear at his hair, rather, her hair. He groaned and slumped in his seat. "Is there anything that you can do?" "Yes, Mr. Malfoy, I can see how that moniker could stick. It's rather unfortunate however; that you feel that it is a misfortune to be known as Miss Granger. She is a very good student, top of your year and she is very credible. I'm not exactly sure what I can do for the both of you, but Hermione shall be arriving momentarily so we can develop a plan of action at that time." A few seconds later, Hermione cum Draco stumbled through the door of Dumbledore's study and fell in a heap on the floor, almost in the same manner that Draco cum Hermione had. "Headmaster Dumbledore, so terribly sorry to interrupt, you know I wouldn't unless it was terribly important. I'm afraid you may not even believe me, I'm having trouble believing it myself. You must help me! I'm not actually Malfoy, I'm Hermione Granger!" She panted, exhausted by her monologue, rose and began to collapse in the chair that Draco was sitting in. She was turning around to sit down when she realized that the chair was occupied by herself. She jumped around in shock. "Draco! Is that you?" She stretched fingers out towards her face in wonder. Draco slapped her hand away from his face. Well, technically it was her face, but he didn't want to be touched by a Mudblood, even if he was inhabiting a Mudblood's body and the Mudblood in question was inhabiting a pureblood's. "Get off of me Granger. This is all of your fault! As soon as I owl my father, you're going to be in so much shit." He slapped her hands away again, as they came back, as if to rest on his shoulder. He looked rather comical, as his slaps were of the weak, bitchy calibre and made him look rather effeminate. Hermione began to laugh and collapsed into the armchair opposite him. "Miss Granger, we were expecting you. So nice to see you. Would you care to explain how exactly you and Mr. Malfoy came to find yourselves in your current predicament? Did it have anything to do with the," he motioned for her to step forward and whispered into her ear, "Permuto Demuto potion?" She giggled- Draco's ears were awfully ticklish. "Sir, I believe that that is exactly the cause of our current misfortune. I'm terribly sorry for any and all problems that we will encounter as a result of my rash actions. But as I did successfully make the Permuto Demuto potion, perhaps we could withhold this from my permanent record?" She looked crestfallen, a lock of hair falling over her eyes. She brushed it back and looked pleadingly at Dumbledore. "Oy Granger! Get that look off of your face! Malfoys never beg of other people and never leave their lives in the hands of others. If anyone saw me cowering like an overgrown, humanized puppy dog, my reputation would be ruined. That expression may be okay for muggleborns to wear, or those of lower * cough * classes, however for anyone with the social status of the same caliber of a Malfoy, that is unacceptable." Hermione could not believe the bull that was pouring out of Malfoy's mouth. Those of higher classes? Wasn't the peer system done away with? Who does he think he is? And did I hear him mutter Weasley after he coughed or was that my imagination? "Malfoy, get over yourself. You seriously need to take your head out of your ass and stop being so self absorbed. Who do you think you are? This is the 21st century, not the 18th. I will look however I want whilst inhabiting your body, which may I add is exceedingly uncomfortable. Your skin itches!" "Probably a result of exposure to extreme evilness," she muttered. "My apologies, Granger. Of course you are right, as per the norm. I shan't even bother to argue with the irrefutable facts, yes I am a snob. I feel that I am entitled to be proud of my family's name, social standing and heritage. But I understand why you might feel a teensy bit jealous of me, your lineage being what it is. May I point out though, if my skin itches, there is a very obvious solution. Scratch it!" he bellowed. "Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger, that is quite enough from both of you! If you can't even get along in the privacy of my office, however do you propose to reverse this unfortunate transformation that has occurred? And if I may point out a more pressing question, which I believe pertains to the both of you. I believe that last night Miss Granger unfortunately consumed copious amounts of pumpkin juice at dinner, as did Mr. Malfoy. One generally has to visit the head after 12 hours of holding gallons in their bladders. Is my assumption correct?" Dumbledore was all smiles again. "Might I also add, that contrary to popular belief, neither of you is hygienically challenged? Quite a feat for teenagers. I should think that Mr. Malfoy would not like his form to remain unclean or Miss Granger's either. I anticipate that both of you will be showering soon." "I seriously have to pee," came out of both of their mouths in unison. Draco crudely placed a hand over his crotch area and squeezed his knees together. Dumbledore chuckled merrily. "See? You two are getting along better already." He motioned them both into his bathroom. All three of them stood around the toilet. Draco slouched back against the wall of the bathroom, looking at the toilet longingly. Hermione folded her arms over her chest, determined not to 'utilize his equipment'. "Granger- you go first. I don't want to pick up nephritis or any other unfortunate bladder disease whilst you're in my body. Besides, you know you want to check me out." He smirked, quite an incongruous look on Hermione's normally innocent face. She could not quite stifle a masculine giggle at the way she looked. "Granger! Stop making a prat of myself! I would never giggle. I laugh sinisterly perhaps, I NEVER giggle." Hermione giggled again. "Uh... oops Malfoy, I think you just did!" She giggled again. "Whoops, here it comes again! You think that you have a sinister laugh? I regret to inform you that you are totally and completely mistaken on the premises of sinister. To be sinister, you would have to be ominous, and your presence is anything but." At this, Malfoy opened his mouth and began to speak, but she cut him off before a syllable could pass her lips. "Indeed if you are afraid that I will malign your reputation whilst I inhabit your body, you are sadly mistaken. As much as I dislike you, and let me assure you that the amount of dislike felt on my part is great, I have no intention of ruining your reputation. For as long as it takes to find an antidote to this potion, which might I add, has never been created correctly, I intend to spend all of my time in the hospital wing sleeping. Heaven forefend that anyone should see me as Malfoy, greasy, unlikeable git that you are. And might I add that you don't need anyone to make a prat of yourself for you. You manage it just fine on your own." With that Hermione sniffed and turned on her heel, meaning to make her way to the hospital wing. "Miss Granger," Dumbledore's voice rang out, losing all of its usual spark and twinkle. "Where exactly do you think that you are going?" He swished his wrist in the general direction of the door, and they all heard the lock click. "You can't seriously intend to spend such a great length of time in lethargy. Mr. Malfoy's body would surely atrophy. Besides, you need to help Prof. Snape work on an antidote to this potion that you have create. Furthermore, exams are coming up. Your body would never retain the information that Mr. Malfoy's brain would pick up whilst in class." Hermione gasped and walked back towards Dumbledore and Malfoy. "Seriously Granger. Don't you think I work hard enough trying to keep my body in the impeccable shape that you find it in? I can't have you wasting all of my hard work and Quidditch practices. Besides, don't you think that people would suspect that something was wrong if you began acting like me and I disappeared into the hospital wing for weeks on end?" He twisted his lips in the mock of a smile. "For one who claims to be so intelligent, you sure can be dumb sometimes." "Well Malfoy, for one so dumb, you sure think that you are smart sometimes," she retorted, her cheeks flushing pink at the insult. Draco realized that he looked terrible when he flushed, and resolved that when he returned to his own body that he would refrain from doing so in the future. "If both of you could stop picking at your respective selves," Dumbledore's voice resounded sarcastically. "Perhaps we could begin to rectify the predicament that you find yourselves in. Or rather, maybe you would prefer to remain in your current forms? I thought not," he stated as both of them shook their heads wildly, negating the statement. "If you all can stay in here for 10 minutes without killing each other, I will go and appraise Severus of the situation. Who knows? Perhaps you both could even relieve yourselves whilst I'm gone." He swept out of the room, his customary twinkle once again replaced in his eye. His footsteps echoed down the stairs and disappeared. "You pee first, Granger. Here, cover my eyes and I'll do it for you." Draco reached for her zip and would have drawn it down, had Hermione's hands not slapped at his face. "Don't you think that this is embarrassing enough without you doing it for me? I'll manage. You turn around and cover your ears." She flushed and motioned him around, swirling her hands. She had never felt so singularly embarrassed in her life, not even the time he had expanded her teeth. She closed her eyes and drew down the zip. Boys' pants unbuttoned in the other direction! Well how 'bout them apples? She might actually learn something useful in Malfoy's body. She sat on the toilet and relaxed her muscles, granting his bladder reprieve. She really had felt as though she was about to explode. A voice interrupted her moments of release. "Are you done yet Granger? Or are you still groping me? God knows it's the first and last time you'll see a penis outside of a book." She flushed again in anger. She finished her whiz; she supposed that she could be crude in her mind in Malfoy's body. It wasn't truly different from his normal boorish behaviour anyway. She rose and zipped herself up again, walking silently over to Malfoy, kicking him in the back of the knee. He collapsed in surprise. "For your information," she intoned, hands on hips, "I have seen a penis before. Multiple penises," she bluffed. "Yours doesn't exactly match up though. Its sort of on the small, twiggy and shrivelled side!" She kicked him again. "And, moreover, I bet I'm going to be the only girl who ever sees yours, so don't even attempt to insult me. I'm not even really a girl at the moment anyway!" She finished her torrent and stood, holding herself tall. "What do you have to say to that, eh Malfoy?" He didn't say anything for the moment. She grew confused, and then worried. Out of nowhere, a leg snaked around her calf and pulled, causing her to fall heavily onto the tiled floor. "I have plenty to say to that, Granger. However, as you are so obviously lying about your wealth of experiences, I don't feel that a retort is necessary. If you were half as observant as everyone thinks that you are, you would have noticed that whenever I lie, my jaw twitches. You, are obviously lying." He kicked her in the side and rolled over, swinging fists at her face. She moved her hands up to block his assault to no avail. She did the only thing she could think to do. She pulled on his hair hard, causing him to fall and crack his head on the tile. She pummelled his shoulders and collarbone. He reciprocated by raking his talons over her face. It was in that manner that Snape and Dumbledore walked in on them a few minutes later. The tableau froze, Draco cum Hermione straddling Hermione cum Draco. "Either you two have become extremely friendly, or you are attempting to strangle Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy." Snape's sarcastic drawl came from behind them. "I sincerely doubt that it is the former, indeed, your father would be delighted to hear about your habits with muggleborns. Do get up. You are both looking quite compromising. How would it look for Harry Potter to burst in on that?" Dumbledore helped pull both of them up, stopping short when noticing the nail marks on both of their faces, the bruises on Draco's neck and the swollen state of Hermione's ankle. "Goodness, there shan't be any of either of you left by the time we find an antidote to the solution. I thought that I said that you all should play nicely whilst I was gone? Obviously that didn't work out. I was rather hoping that I would not have to resort to this, however, you leave me no choice." He removed his wand from his cloak and waved it over the both of them, muttering, "ducere commuto." Draco was feeling sick to his stomach. Hermione was certain of that fact. He was also a bit dizzy and his mouth was dry. His neck hurt, terribly. Hold on one second! How do I know all of that? She quickly thought back to her days of primary school Latin. Ducere... hmm. State of mind perhaps? And commuto, well that was easy stuff. Exchange, obviously. Gah- she really was the smartest witch in the school. Mind. Exchange. Mind exchange?! Dumbledore really was an old bastard. "Why the HELL would you do this to us?" She shook her head wildly, as though to clear the sensations of Draco's thoughts from her head. Hermione's ankle was throbbing, the pain radiating up her leg and into her hip. She had broken her hip the winter before, ice skating on her pond. She was flushed and obviously embarrassed. Draco knew it all as though it was his own history. Waaait. It wasn't as though she had told him about the accident. In fact, he hadn't noticed that she had had an accident last year at all. Why did he know all of a sudden? As a matter of fact, did he care? Why would he know all of these things about her? He even could picture the detail of the scarf she had been wearing. Ducere commuto, eh? He had heard of people being afflicted with it before. In fact, hadn't that Rita Skeeter, crap reporter, written about it in Witch Weekly earlier that month? A couple that had been afflicted with it had wound up married for 42 years. What? What was he thinking about? He didn't want to marry Hermione for 42 years. Certainly not! Ducere commuto. Didn't that mean...? Dumbledore! What a BASTARD! "Dumbledore!" he burst out- red dancing in front of his eyes. "You are out of your head. I shall have my father request your resignation at once. You are clearly off your rocker. Stop codding around. This is obviously a very serious situation!" "Mr. Malfoy, indeed, the state of your relationship with Miss Granger appears to be a far more serious situation than the one you currently find yourselves in. I think that you all need to spend the day together. Get to know each other perhaps? Maybe Miss Granger could spend a day in the life of Draco Malfoy or perhaps vice versa. Anyway, you need to learn how to act because you may be stuck in each other's bodies for a while." Dumbledore leant back, satisfied he had settled the matter for the day. "Actually, Headmaster, I have no need to learn how exactly Malfoy acts. I know how I'm going to act whilst I'm him. I think I shall take the opportunity to camp it up. Mr. Malfoy shall find himself being as camp as a row of tents. Come on Malfoy. Let's get going. I need to check out my collection of frilly frocks, perhaps see which suits your complexion best and perhaps practice my prancing." Hermione cum Draco skipped out the door, followed closely by Draco cum Hermione, yelling, "Stop that Granger! You better stop that or I'm going to confess my, oh excuse me, your everlasting love for that pansy that follows Harry Potter and co. around with a camera grouted to his face." 


End file.
